Why the Holidays Are NOT the Ideal Time to Talk About Eldercare, And What to Do Instead.
- joy77850
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
We’ve all heard the advice. And you’ve probably seen the articles popping up in your feed right around Thanksgiving: "The family is finally all together! Now is the perfect time to sit older relatives down and talk about estate planning, relocation, and assisted living!"
On paper, it makes sense. The siblings are in town. Parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles are under one roof. You have a captive audience. But wait! The holidays are often a pressure cooker of travel fatigue and financial stress coupled with complex family history. Trying to shoehorn a life-altering conversation about caregiving and aging-related life transitions in the middle of carving a turkey is a recipe for disaster.
If you’re dreading "The Talk" this holiday season, here is your permission slip to skip it. The holidays are actually one of the worst times to discuss eldercare.
Here’s what you can do instead.
The Silent Audit
So, if you aren't talking, what are you doing? You are observing. Use the holiday visit to gather data quietly, without raising the alarm. Keep your eyes open for these silent clues.
Fridge Check: When you go to grab the milk, look at the expiration dates. Is the fridge full of spoiled food? Is it empty? This is a prime indicator of how they are managing daily tasks.
Downsizing: Look around. Is hoarding a problem? Is clutter getting in the way of them living in a safe home environment?
Mail Pile: Are there stacks of unopened envelopes on the counter? Late notices can be a sign of forgetfulness. Charity solicitations may be scams.
Furniture Surfing: Watch how they move. Are they unsteady on their feet? Do they struggle to get out of a low chair?
Car: Take a quick walk around their car. Are there fresh dents or scratches they haven't mentioned? Is it time to consider giving up the car keys?
Make mental notes (or write them down in your phone when you’re in the bathroom). Do not bring them up yet. Just gather the facts.
The "New Year" Follow-Up
The best time to initiate conversations is January or February. The holidays are over. Decorations are down. The post-holiday quiet has set in and the reality of daily life has returned.
Call your elders (or better yet, arrange to visit in-person again). Employ effective communication strategies. Asking questions rather than making statements keeps them in the driver’s seat and will most likely get you much better results. You may want to check out this best-selling book, The Complete Eldercare Planner for the following talking tips and much more:
Slice of Love: "Dad, I loved seeing you over Christmas. It was so great to catch up."
State the Facts: "I noticed that during our time together, you were a little unsteady on the stairs. And the house seems like a lot to manage.”
Reflection: “Am I correct in my observations? I’m asking because our visit has been on my mind. I love you and want you to be safe."
Collaboration: "I’m not asking you to decide anything now, but in the new year, I’d love for us to look at some options to make things easier for you. Can we talk about that next week?"
The Bottom Line
Give yourself and your elders the gift of a peaceful holiday. Eat the pie. Watch the football game. Hug them tight. Let the holidays be about connection, not correction. There are eleven other months in the year to handle the business of aging. Take December off.
Sell the house. Downsize. Liquidate Assets.
If relocation to a smaller space is in your elders’ future, it often means downsizing, clearing the clutter, estate sales, and trash hauling in order to sell the house.
With over 20 years’ professional experience, Estate Inventory Services is full-service, one-stop shop, making the process of selling possessions and house clean out seamless and stress-free. Online auctions are also part of their services.
